Friday marked four weeks. Four weeks ago, my life, my husband’s life and my family’s lives all changed dramatically. Who would have thought one little man could cause such a stir!
Every day for four weeks, I have sat by his crib. We have talked to each other, sung to each other, cried together and bonded (ok, so I’ve done the talking and the singing, but we have both cried!). We hold hands and look into each other’s eyes, learning who each other is.
Hours flash by like they are minutes. Days turn into weeks without anyone noticing. The nurses are used to me and now include me in their conversations and jokes.
We have great happy moments together and then within the blink of the eye, things go crashing down. We have regular hugs and both enjoy our special time together.
We have crossed off numerous milestones within the four weeks; first dirty nappy change (both mum and dad now), first wash, first vomit, first hug and first feed. And for me, after four weeks, the first full day without seeing him.
It was hard and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. Thankfully, my sisters kept me busy with lunch and laughter. My husband tried to tutor me in preparation for his pending exams. Basically, I had to be distracted in order to prove, not only to myself, but to the doubtful nurses, that I would be able to make one full day of not seeing him.
But I made it, and although I joked about being a bad mum, I know I’m not and I know that it was ok to have one day off. It wasn’t a day off from him, it was a day off from the stress of the hospital. A day off from washing my hands every 5 minutes. A day off from hearing healthier babies cry. A day off from seeing other parents.
It was a day to remember that the hospital is not in fact my home; that fresh air is good for me and; that high pitched beeps are not the normal daily sounds!
One of the nicest reminders I had was the greeting I received from my nieces and nephew. They say laughter is the best medicine, but I beg to differ in this case. When you walk into a room and little eyes light up, smiles cover faces and then tiny arms get outstretched to give you warm and familiar hugs, snot and all, that makes things seem like they are going to be ok.
We are still on the emotional rollercoaster. Days are still filled with fear and apprehension as to what the future will hold for us. There are still tears, lots of tears. Sleepless nights still occur.
But being back in our home, makes me excited for the future. I look forward to that day that we get to carry him into our house, place him in his cot and then listen as he no doubt screams the house down because he can’t settle due to there not being any constant beeping and people prodding him!
14 June 2011 (From Dexter's Mum's blog)
It’s a long way to go, but with the continued love and support we receive, we will get there.
I'm a Kindy Kid!
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"I am tired, I am having a bad patch and I am unsure if I want to scream, get drunk or most likely just pull myself together and get on with it." Kelly Dugan