Mostly, we feel guilty about time.
We don't have enough time to give Dexter everything he needs.
We don't have time for all the therapies.
We don't have time for the self feeding.
We don't give him enough vision therapy.
We don't spend enough time with his sisters, or they often have to wait for Dexter, and that's not fair.
We feel guilty when Dexter is on the floor and hits his head on furniture, especially now he has had seizures. We watch him constantly, but he has gotten so fast at his belly crawl, that he can quickly run into something.
We feel guilty when we try to feed him and get him in trouble for not eating, only to have him do a big burp.
We feel guilty if he won't eat or drink, only to realise he has a sore throat.
And, Dexter's mum carries a lot of personal guilt.
Dexter was born prematurely. He was born quickly. His was an emergency cesarean, without enough time to allow steroids to prepare his lungs for his birth.
Dexter was born early, fast and before he was ready.
And, we nearly lost him.
He couldn't breathe. He struggled so much to breathe, he couldn't gain weight.
He struggled so much to breathe, his brain was damaged and Dexter now lives with severe cerebral palsy.
His mum carries guilt about this, though her head knows it's not her fault.
Her heart just won't listen to her head.
Incredible sadness can suddenly overpower us.
Without warning.
And, we can be drowning in the guilt, heartache and misery that comes with Dexter's cerebral palsy.
There's incredible fear, for the future. For money. For our helplessness.
This life is tough. Tougher than anything we have ever known.
We aren't strong enough for it.
We try to be, but every now and then, we crumble and fall apart.
But, we have to stay strong, because Dexter needs us. He needs us to be strong.
And so, through tears, we pick ourselves up and carry on.
And today, we feel guilty that there is no CP Challenge.
Instead, reach out to someone and tell them they are doing a great job.
#DextersReality #cerebralpalsy #love #guilt
When Six is too Young to have a Disability
$37,000 and a Van
Mum was Crying in the Ball Pit
My Walking Goal
What a Dollar means to Dexter
When Wheelchair Stops Being a Dirty Word
About the Sisters
My Sister is Four
Stuck in a Rut
Embrace the Lion
Open Letter Thanking Parents for the Parties
I’m a Kindy Kid! Kindergarten in Review
Dexter's 2013
Dexter's First Month
Dexter's Vision
Dexter's Cerebral Palsy
Dexter's Cancer
Who is Dexter?
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