Rooms are decorated. Cakes are chosen and lovingly made. Presents are purchased. Kids are so excited... tearing into their presents and throwing brightly coloured wrapping paper to the floor.
Toys are played with and there's lots of happiness.
And then, the cake comes out and the birthday kid's eyes light up.
The flames of the candles twinkle, before the candles are blown out and cake is eaten. Birthdays are for fun...
So why don't we look forward to Dexter's birthday?
It's not that we don't celebrate Dexter's birthday. And it's definitely not that we don't love him. It's not that we don't want him to have a birthday. But, celebrating Dexter's birthday is hard. We try to smile and celebrate and show love and happiness, but his birth day was one of the most frightening and awful days of our lives. His birth went totally wrong! It was too soon, and it led to 122 days of hospital life. It brought heartache and agony. |
I was transferred to Sydney via ambulance and tried to keep the situation light,
I felt I needed to be strong for everyone else, in particular my husband, who was just as petrified as me.
Less than 24 hours later, our beautiful baby boy was delivered via emergency cesarean section. He weighed 1.59 kilograms (approximately 3.5 pound) and measured roughly 44 centimeters. I didn’t get to hold him and I only heard one tiny cry as he was lifted out. He was wrapped in plastic. I saw the back of his tiny head as he was wheeled to the intensive care unit, where my husband got to follow and I waited.
8 long days later, still covered in tubes, I got to hold my son for the first time, for half an hour. It was the most precious 30 minutes I have ever experienced.
Although that was three years ago, the emotions are only just concealed, and Dexter's birthday brings everything bubbling back to the surface. It's incredibly difficult. | Dexter's vision impairment takes a lot of the fun out of birthdays. He may not be able to see a pile of beautifully wrapped presents. He may not be able to see the colourful decorations. He might not be able to see his cake. |
And then, there's the cerebral palsy. Dexter needs help to open his presents. He needs help to play with his presents, and they need to be specially thought of, to suit his needs. The cerebral palsy is like a big black cloud, always hanging over us. It darkens birthdays and Christmases. |
May is tough for us for another reason. Although May brings us Dexter's birthday, it is the start of many bad anniversaries. In May, Dexter's enlarged liver was detected, and we found ourselves beginning his hepatoblastoma journey. He was officially diagnosed with hepatoblastoma in June 2012. Dexter's cerebral palsy was finally 'officially' diagnosed in May 2012. |
Our last three June long weekends:
1. Periventricular Leukomalacia (or PVL, or in more simple terms, brain damage)
2. Hepatoblastoma (Liver cancer) officially diagnosed
3. Dexter's first hospitalisation for pneumonia.
We love Dexter. We adore him. We'd do anything for our little boy. Even still, celebrating his birthday is a double edged sword... happiness and celebration on one side, and heart-breakingly difficult memories on the other. We'll celebrate. We'll have presents and fun. We'll have cake (egg free, because of his egg allergy - from the chemo treatments). And, we'll probably shed a quiet tear... because May is tough for us. But, we always look for a silver lining... hence the rainbow cake when Dexter turned one. Happy Birthday, gorgeous little man. xxx We love you so much. |
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Dexter's Cerebral Palsy
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Dexter's Darkest Days
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