That was a huge day, for all of us.
I was four months old. This would be the first time I would sleep in my own home.
Everyone was so excited to have me home.
But, everyone was so afraid, for what might go wrong. They were scared that no nurses were there, to help when I stopped breathing, or if I choked.
It was just us.
Everyone was so exhausted, too. It had been a long, long, long four months. We had heard some bad news; I had brain damage.
Mum and Dad had seen the nurses flick my nappy, tap my sides, tickle me... They had seen them push on my chest. Mum and Dad had seen me turning purple, as the alarms screamed for attention. They had watched my oxygen saturation levels drop down, as low as the teen numbers. They held their breaths, as they watched me struggle and fight. They held their breaths, as my oxygen saturation levels slowly rose. They started breathing again, when my alarms stopped screaming and my oxygen saturation levels settled, again.
They didn't even realise they were doing it.
Now, the screaming of the alarms are post-traumatic stress syndrome triggers. Mum and Dad might be watching a movie, and a scene will take place in a 'NICU'. Monitors will alarm and the frightening memories are instantly back. Memories of me, fighting for life fill their minds.
It's been six years, but the memories, emotions and sounds are all so clear.
Dexter was a long-term NICU baby.
Dexter spent 122 days in three NICUs.
It's Neonatal Intensive Care Awareness Month.
Dexter was born by emergency cesarean at 31 weeks and 1 day.
He was cut from him mum, wrapped in plastic and raced from the room. The only sound was the briefest of cries. Lenice didn't see her baby boy for eight hours. She had spent two days, worrying and stressing. She had had her baby cut from her and she was left, to recover and wonder. Finally, after eight hours, she met Dexter.
His Mum and Dad paid to get his hospital records, for his first few months of life, but no one feels strong enough to read those reports. Yet. We don't want to have to read how close we came to losing Dexter.
His Mum spent 120 days, sitting by his side. She was away for only two days. In an awful twist of fate, bad news came on the two days after she had a day away from Dexter. The first time she was away from him, she returned to find Dexter had brain damage.
The second time she had spent a day away, she returned to learn he was possibly needing surgery and would be transferred to another hospital.
Dexter's Dad spent as much time with Dexter, as possible. He had to work, so was unable to sit beside Dexter as much as he would have liked.
The first time Dexter's Mum held him, Dexter was eight days old. He was fighting pneumonia, but was becoming strong enough for a quick cuddle.
Dexter had to wait a long time, before we could all touch him. Now, he loves physical contact. He wants people around him. He wants to be touched. It's like he feels like he needs to make up for those long, long days, weeks and months when we couldn't cuddle.
Dexter's ankles are often very tight. Some days, there is almost no movement in the ankle, so Dexter cannot flex and bend his foot. That makes his harder for him to take steps.
He still loves hearing stories!
Dexter has something incredible and he really does draw people towards him.
One of Dexter's biggest struggles was with feeding (once he got his breathing mostly sorted!). For months, we struggled to increase Dexter's feeds, as he suffered from extreme reflux. His feeding was a real worry, for a long time.
Despite the doubts of many doctors and nurses, Dexter did start to breastfeed, when he was three months old.
He was on a breathing monitor, had terrible reflux and looked like a newborn, but he was home. A week later, he was taken back to hospital, for surgery on a hernia, but... he was home.
It's really hard.
For long term families, like ours, the days drag out into weeks. The weeks drag into months and the months stretch on and on.
It was hard seeing other babies, younger than Dexter, go home. We wanted to bring Dexter home. But, we couldn't. He wasn't big enough. He wasn't strong enough.
While Dexter's NICU journey was so long and so hard, with so many bad days, perhaps these days prepared us (a little) for the hurdles that were going to come our way.
September is NICU Awareness Month.
Our NICU days were six years ago, but we remember them clearly.
Stay strong, NICU families. Trust yourselves. Trust your babies.
And, to Dexter's NICU nurses.... Thank you.
Green for Prems
Premmie Day – Dexter’s First Month
My Birth
World Prematurity Day
Dexter Doll
When I Was Tiny
Dexter Hit 3 Months Old
Dexter’s Earliest Days
My Prematurity
Embrace the Lion
I’m a Kindy Kid!
Dexter's 2013
Dexter's First Month
Dexter's Vision
Dexter's Cerebral Palsy
Dexter's Cancer
Who is Dexter?
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